Narcissism in Relationships: What It Looks Like and How to Cope

We hear the word narcissist thrown around a lot these days—especially when talking about difficult relationships. But narcissism isn’t just about being selfish or self-absorbed. In relationships, it can show up in subtle, and often deeply painful, ways.

As a therapist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I want to help you understand what narcissistic traits look like in relationships, how they impact connection, and what you can do if you find yourself stuck in a cycle of confusion, hurt, or self-doubt.

EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is a relationship-based model that helps individuals and couples identify emotional patterns, understand attachment needs, and create stronger, more secure bonds. It focuses on the emotions underneath our reactions—not just the behaviors we show on the surface.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), on the other hand, focuses on the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It helps you recognize unhelpful thinking patterns and shift them in ways that support healthier emotional responses and behaviors. If you’ve ever felt like you’re spiraling in self-blame or doubt, CBT offers practical tools to pause, reframe, and regain a sense of clarity and control.

What Is Narcissism, Really?

Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people may show narcissistic traits—like needing admiration or struggling with empathy—without meeting criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Others may meet the clinical definition of NPD, a personality disorder marked by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, entitlement, and lack of empathy.

But you don’t need a diagnosis to know when a relationship doesn’t feel safe, balanced, or emotionally reciprocal.

Narcissism in Relationships Can Look Like:

• Love-bombing, then devaluation: The relationship begins with intensity and admiration, then shifts into criticism, blame, or emotional withdrawal.

• Gaslighting: You’re made to question your own thoughts, feelings, or memories.

• Emotional invalidation: Your needs are minimized, mocked, or ignored.

• Power imbalances: One partner dominates emotionally, financially, or socially.

• Lack of empathy: When you’re hurting, your pain is dismissed—or worse, turned back on you.

• Chronic confusion: You find yourself wondering, “Is it me? Am I overreacting?”

  
  

How CBT Helps: Reframing the Internal Dialogue

From a CBT lens, one of the biggest struggles in narcissistic relationships is the internal script it creates:

• “Maybe I am too much.”

• “If I just explain it better, they’ll understand.”

• “I need to try harder to make this work.”

CBT helps untangle these cognitive distortions. It challenges the belief that your worth depends on how someone treats you. It teaches you how to check the facts, set boundaries, and trust your internal cues again.

How EFT Helps: Understanding Emotional Cycles

EFT invites us to explore the emotional dance of attachment. Often, someone with narcissistic traits has deep fears of vulnerability—masked by control, withdrawal, or superiority. Their partner, in turn, may feel emotionally abandoned or blamed for simply wanting closeness.

In EFT, we work on:

• Identifying emotional cycles that keep you stuck

• Naming unmet attachment needs

• Expressing those needs in ways that invite connection—not criticism or shame

But EFT also helps you get real: If your partner is emotionally unavailable—or emotionally unsafe—the work may shift toward grieving what you hoped for and reclaiming your voice in the process.

What You Can Do If You Suspect Narcissism

• Trust your body: If you’re constantly anxious, second-guessing yourself, or walking on eggshells—that’s real information.

• Set clear boundaries: You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to take up space.

• Seek therapy: A trained therapist can help you untangle what’s yours, what’s not, and rebuild a stronger sense of self.

• Don’t try to “fix” them: You can’t love someone into empathy. They have to choose to do the work.

• Build emotional safety: Surround yourself with people—friends, family, community—who see you, hear you, and hold space for your experience.

You deserve relationships where your emotions are safe, your thoughts are valid, and your presence is cherished. Narcissistic traits in a partner can leave you feeling small, unsure, or like you’re always trying to earn your place.

You’re not crazy. You’re not needy. You’re responding to a lack of emotional safety—and that’s a deeply human thing.

If you’re navigating a relationship like this, know that support is available. Whether you’re unpacking emotional patterns, healing from trauma, or finding your way back to yourself—therapy can help. You don’t have to do it alone.

Amanda Crosland, CSW, MSW

*Responsibly created with the help of ChatGPT