When Your Body Says “Nope”: Chronic Illness, Mental Health, and Healing

Photo by Markus Winkler via Unsplash

Living with chronic illness is like being in a long-term relationship with a body that seems to speak a foreign language and keeps changing the dialect. At first, you think you’re getting the hang of it. You learn your body’s signals, the flares, the patterns. You build a shaky, but functioning translation guide. You start to feel like, “Okay, I can live with this now.”

***Siren noises and flashing lights*** All the alarms go off!

Your body switches it all up on you! New symptoms, new rules, new limitations emerge, and it is suddenly like your body is crying out in a new language with no translator in sight! You are forced to go back to decoding these messages you never even got the memo on. It can feel confusing, painful, and defeating when you strive so diligently to create a shared understanding, only to experience a new emergency of symptoms when you finally thought things were stable. It’s completely and utterly exhausting.

As a therapist and human, I’ve witnessed the profound emotional toll chronic illness takes. Fatigue, pain, flare-ups, and a rotating cast of symptoms can make even the smallest tasks completely overwhelming. What’s often left out of the conversation is the mental health side of chronic illness. Depression, anxiety, grief, and even PTSD symptoms often tag along for the ride. Not because people with chronic illness are not resilient (they are superhuman, truly), but because managing a dysregulated body is trauma.

Yes, chronic illness can be traumatic. There are times trauma can cause or even exacerbate chronic illness.

There’s a growing body of research connecting early life trauma, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and chronic stress with the development of autoimmune diseases, chronic pain conditions, and other long-term health challenges. When the nervous system is stuck in survival mode, the body then follows. (Here's a great link that dives deeper into the research on this connection.)

So, if you’ve ever felt like your body is betraying you, or wondered why you’re the only one who needs three days to recover from grocery shopping, please know that it’s not in your head.  It makes sense that this is impacting your head in the way that chronic illness and mental health are deeply intertwined. Your experience and struggles are valid. I feel it is important to note that being expected to navigate all of this as if this pain doesn’t exist is ableism.

What is ableism, anyway?

Ableism is a system of beliefs and structures prioritizing “able-bodied” and “neurotypical” ways of existing in the world at the expense of those with chronic illnesses, disabilities, or mental health conditions. It shows up in the assumption that everyone should move, think, work, or heal in the same way while shaming and limiting those who literally cannot. Sometimes it’s obvious, like lack of accessibility. Other times, it’s subtle, like expecting someone to just “push through” pain or questioning their experience because they “look fine.” Unlearning ableism means recognizing how all bodies and minds are valid, even when they don’t fit into society’s narrow idea of what they “should” be like. It’s the expectation that health equals worth, or that productivity is the price of love.

Let’s Talk About Ableism and How to Change it for the Better, Together 

Whether you’re living with chronic illness or wanting to be an advocate for those who are chronically ill, unlearning ableism is part of the healing.  Here are important things to consider:

For those of us navigating chronic illnessIt is okay to grieve.You are worthy of support.Rest is a need because it is medicine.Your mental and physical limits are not a moral failing.

For those supporting someone with a chronic illnessBelieve them the first time.Ask how to support, not how to fix.Notice where your own beliefs about health, value, or effort might be rooted in ableism, and be willing to unlearn it.

Let’s create spaces both internally and collectively where all bodies and minds are welcome, honored, and supported.  The truth is, love for our body and others adapts.  We will all change over time, and learning to adapt is the kind of love that is real and lasting.

Ashley Bell, LMFT

This post is ethically co-created with the help of ChatGTP.