Becoming You: The Journey to Embracing Authenticity
- New Beginnings Therapy
- Aug 20
- 4 min read
From the moment we’re born, the world around us begins shaping who we are or who others want us to be. Becoming our authentic selves is a complex journey that spans every stage of life and is influenced by dozens of factors and hundreds, if not thousands, of people.
With the inherent complexity of embracing authenticity, I’ve broken the journey down into three distinct phases that span the life cycle: 1) Becoming, 2) Unbecoming, and 3) Embracing Authenticity.
During the first phase, Becoming, we’re taught who we’re supposed to be, and we become exactly that.
During the second phase, Unbecoming, we deconstruct everything we’ve been told to be and start actively working to become who we really are.
The final phase, Embracing Authenticity, is the freeing and satisfying transition to accepting and celebrating our true self, and living the life we mindfully and deliberately choose to live.
Everyone progresses through these phases differently; sometimes the phases overlap, sometimes they cycle back and forth, but all of them are necessary in the process of becoming who we truly are. Each phase is commonly associated with certain stages of life, but keep in mind that you may be in multiple phases at once, have environmental or personal issues or events that impact you differently, and that you always have the ability use your autonomy to mindfully participate in this process.
The Authenticity Life Cycle
Childhood: Shaped and Molded
As children, we rarely have the power to choose who we are. Parents, teachers, siblings, neighbors, extended family members, clergy members, cultural influences, medical and mental health factors, and society at large impose ideas of who we should be. We’re told what to believe, how to act, how our lives should unfold, what goals to pursue and what dreams to abandon, and so much more. Our identities are shaped and molded by others. This early conditioning teaches us to fit in, to seek approval, and sometimes, to hide parts of ourselves just to be accepted.
Adolescence: The First Taste of Freedom
Then comes adolescence, a pivotal time when many of us begin to question the narratives we’ve inherited. We start realizing we don’t have to become what others expect. We begin experimenting with our own identities; at times messily, other times hesitantly, and maybe if we’re lucky, confidently. It’s like digging through your closet and trying on fifteen different outfits to see what feels right. We try on many different ideas and versions of who we think we are, who we want to be, all while still being actively and powerfully influenced by all the same voices from before.
Early Adulthood: Defining Your Path
Early adulthood is about moving toward our first few tastes of true independence, often moving out for the first time on our own, going to college or getting job training, and creating families of our own. During this stage of life, we are constantly making life decisions that will shape our futures but still very much under the influence of others’ expectations and societal constraints. New ideologies, new opportunities, and new challenges are placed in our path at breakneck speeds, and we begin to truly navigate them on our own. There’s often a strong pull toward conformity and a heavy pressure to make all the “right” decisions.
Middle Adulthood: The Art of Unbecoming
As we move into middle adulthood around our thirties and forties, the deep, honest, and sometimes most painful work really begins: Unbecoming. This means facing the parts of ourselves that were shaped by past expectations, traumas, or limiting beliefs, and intentionally breaking free from patterns that don’t serve our authentic selves. It’s about shedding old layers and making space for deeper self-awareness and growth. We put less emphasis on making others happy and more emphasis on being more congruent with our personal values, beliefs, and desires.
Later Adulthood: Leaving a Legacy
In later adulthood, maturity, wisdom, and a changing perspective often help us settle even deeper into authenticity. It’s a time of clarity and courage that is often influenced by the knowledge and acceptance of our own mortality. We face the reality of our impermanence, which often leads to one deeply important question: What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind? Embracing authenticity ensures that we lean into choices that create a legacy based on who we really are, inspiring future generations to do the same.
Why Authenticity Matters
Embracing authenticity isn’t just about freedom to choose, it’s about feeling comfortable and confident in your own skin. It’s caring more about liking and loving yourself than chasing the approval of others. It’s about developing empathy, emotional intelligence, and using your autonomy for your greatest good.
When you live authentically:
You build deeper, more meaningful relationships.
You attract like-minded others who appreciate the real you, not the mask you wear.
You experience greater peace and self-acceptance.
You have a stable, consistent, and healthy sense of self-esteem.
You unlock your true potential and creativity.
You model courage, integrity, and honesty for others.
You live a life aligned with your values, not just others’ expectations.
Becoming You Is the Greatest Gift
Moving through the phases of becoming the truest you can be a wild ride. The journey to authentic living never ends, it just evolves. It can be challenging and sometimes painful, but it is also deeply rewarding. Becoming you—fully and unapologetically—is the greatest gift you can give yourself and the world.
If you need help and support in your journey, our amazing therapists at New Beginnings Therapy would be happy to walk with you all along the way. We’re just a phone call away!
By Dr. Carly LeBaron
*Responsibly created with the help of ChatGPT
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