Oh, so THAT’S What That Was: Late Diagnosed ADHD in Women

“I saw this thing on TikTok…”

If I could tell you how many conversations I’ve had with my clients about symptoms and

diagnoses they learned about on social media, you’d… probably not be surprised at all,

actually. One of the incredible benefits of social media and the Internet is a greater

understanding of mental health and more people opening up about their

signs, symptoms, and struggles. This growing openness about mental health means

that more people are connecting the dots of their own experiences, giving rise to

curiosity about their own potential diagnoses.

One of these diagnoses that I’m seeing at an ever-increasing rate is women in their 30s

and beyond realizing that they have symptoms of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity

Disorder (ADHD) that they previously didn’t recognize. Sometimes those symptoms

were explained away as other diagnoses (depression, anxiety, OCD, etc.), labeled as

quirks, or they were missed completely because they didn’t manifest in the way they

“usually” do with ADHD.

For decades, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) was seen largely as a

condition that mostly affected little boys who couldn’t sit still and pay attention in class.

But growing awareness and research are revealing a very different story—one where

thousands of women are discovering in adulthood that the challenges they’ve faced for

years have a name: ADHD.

The Gender Bias in ADHD Diagnosis

How did we miss an entire generation of ADHD-havers? The answer is a sad, yet

simple one: ADHD has historically been a diagnosis that’s only been attended to in

young, white males. Young boys with ADHD typically display more externalized

behaviors—such as impulsivity and physical hyperactivity—that are easier to see on the

outside, where girls are more likely to exhibit internalized symptoms, such as

inattention, daydreaming, disorganization, and emotional dysregulation. Additionally, the

hyperactivity that girls experience is often more internal hyperactivity like racing

thoughts. Because these signs and symptoms are less disruptive to the adults around

them, girls’ symptoms are much less likely to trigger a referral to a doctor or therapist,

which usually means a missed diagnosis.

To add another layer of complexity, social rules and expectations often encourage girls

to "mask" their struggles and symptoms, which often results in them working harder to stay organized, stay quiet in class, or mimic the behaviors of their peers to get approval and avoid social rejection. Masking can delay diagnosis for years, even decades, because girls and women appear on the outside to “have it all together.”

The Toll of Late Diagnosis

Stupid.

Lazy.

Disorganized.

Unmotivated.

Failure.

These are all words that I’ve heard women use to describe themselves while trying to

survive in a world that is not set up for people with ADHD, nonetheless people who

don’t even know they have it. These women often struggle to maintain routines, manage

their time appropriately, finish tasks on time, and navigate relationships in healthy ways.

Undiagnosed ADHD can contribute to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, relationship

problems, and so much more. Without a diagnosis, the only conclusion left to draw for so many of these women is, “I’m the problem.”

Why Diagnosis Is Rising in Adulthood

Due to masking and social expectations, most girls and women find ways to manage

their symptoms for years. But then, something happens to change all that. For some,

the first real clues emerge only during life transitions—becoming a parent, starting a

demanding job, or managing a household—when the coping mechanisms that once

worked begin to fall apart. It’s only then, when the demands of their environment exceed

their current ability to cope, that their symptoms really start to show.

In recent years, there has been a surge in adult women—especially those in their 30s

and 40s—seeking and receiving an ADHD diagnosis. Social media platforms, podcasts,

and personal blogs have created spaces where women share their stories and

symptoms. These narratives often resonate deeply with others who may never have

considered ADHD as a possibility.

Increased awareness among healthcare providers has also played a part, though the

journey to diagnosis can still be frustrating and drawn out. It often takes persistence,

research, and advocacy for women to get the right evaluation and care.

What Diagnosis Can Offer

For many, receiving an ADHD diagnosis is profoundly validating. It recontextualizes a

lifetime of struggles and opens the door to targeted treatment—whether that means

therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination. Most importantly, it helps

women replace shame with self-understanding and empowerment.

I like to say, “A well-defined problem is half solved.” Once you have a diagnosis, you

have a clearer path to treatment and management. Understanding your diagnosis is the

gateway to understanding yourself: why you do things the way you do, how ADHD has

contributed to your unique struggles, and how your unique brain has contributed to both

your joys and your sorrows. For so many women, knowing is half the battle.

Moving Forward

The rising awareness of how ADHD manifests in women is a step toward more inclusive

and accurate healthcare. But there’s still a long way to go. Education, advocacy, and

continued research are key—not only to improve diagnosis rates but to shift how we

think about neurodiversity across gender lines.

If you or someone you know suspects ADHD might be part of their story, don’t hesitate

to explore it further. Avoid the urge to self-diagnose based on social media or Internet quizzes, but if it resonates with you, seek out a qualified professional to speak with and get an evaluation. It’s never too late to understand your brain—and finally feelunderstood in return.

Carly

Ethically created with the help of ChatGPT