Some Body to Love: Embracing the Body you Have Instead of Chasing the Body You’re “Supposed” to Have

It’s swimsuit season!

That means pool days, sunscreen, sandcastles, and for some people… crippling anxiety about how their body looks in a bathing suit. So, as swimsuit season arrives, inevitably so do the expectations for getting your body “bikini-ready,” or “beach body” prepped, or whatever else our thin-obsessed culture tells women that their bodies need to be before we can enjoy the sunshine and everything else Summer has to offer.

Are you ready to hear a radical truth?

For real. I need you to be super ready. This one is going to knock your proverbial socks off…

Your body is always ready for a good time. 

WAIT!!! Don’t you dare hit that Back button. 

I promise this isn’t another one of those toxic positivity posts. This is going to be a body-positivity post, but I’m not going to preach to you or try to convince you that the world we live in doesn’t treat you differently if your body doesn’t fit into its itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-(yellow polka dot bikini)-sized body ideal. Inhabiting a female or femme-presenting body in Westernized culture can feel like a no-win situation, especially if we buy into the idea that we’re force fed since infancy that our body has to look a certain way in order to be good, healthy, valued, or acceptable.

It sucks. Plain and simple.

Here’s what I want for you this sunshine season: A gentle, compassionate relationship between you and your body. 

I know that can feel like an impossible task. The challenges you have in that lifelong relationship could be complicated by so many factors; things like negative body image, disability, chronic illness, disordered eating or eating disorders, body dysmorphia, body dysphoria, a history of abuse, past or present self-harm, scars, and so much more, may all muddy the water. If you struggle to love your body, no matter the reason, I’m not asking you to flip a magical switch and start whole-heartedly loving it today. Maybe you need to start smaller and simpler.

Here are some of my favorite ways to learn to make peace with your body and cultivate that gentle, compassionate relationship:

1. Focus on body gratitude. Starting with a more neutral part of your body, spend the week paying attention to what that part of your body does for you, then express gratitude to your body for those gifts and abilities. For example, focus on your hands. Notice all the things your hands do: Help you lift your favorite coffee mug to take a sip of that rich, warm drink. Give a high-five to the neighborhood kiddo after they learn how to ride a bike. Brush the hair off your child’s forehead to soothe them when they’re upset. Hold hands with your loved one. Style your kid sister’s hair for prom. Plant snapdragons in your garden to remember your Nana. Type a blog post to encourage others.

2. Engage in joyful movement. Move your body in ways that feel healthy, good, and intuitive. For some people that means stretching on the floor while you watch TV, for others that means training for a marathon. You don’t have to exercise in a gym with fancy equipment to keep your body healthy. Take a walk with your dog. Play tag with your kids. Do yoga on your back porch at sunrise (or sunset, no judgment). Go on a bike ride. Play Beat Saber or Dance Dance Revolution with your roommates. All movement is valuable, and choosing movement that sparks joy will keep you moving and appreciating your body for years to come.

3. Eat intuitively and honor your body’s cues. Your body is brilliant. It knows what it needs and when, and it has ways of communicating those needs to you. Pay attention to your bodily sensations. Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you feel satisfied. Drink water when you’re thirsty. Rest your body when you feel tired. It sounds silly but go to the bathroom when you feel those first signs instead of putting it off until you’re bursting. Stretch if your muscles are tight. The better in tune you are with your body, the better you can meet its needs, and the better you meet its needs, the better you and your body both feel.

4. Challenge cultural ideals of beauty. The history of beauty standards and ideals is dizzying, sometimes literally (hello corsets and arsenic face cream). Every time period, every culture, every group of people has a different version of beautiful. Westernized cultures push the “thin ideal,” and not because it’s the healthiest, despite their angelic insistence that that’s their only motivation. That ideal has way more to do with dollar signs than benevolent concern. Like waaaaaay more… to the tune of $6.3 TRILLION (yes, trillion with a T) dollars by 2023 (Bloomberg, 2024). Dangling the carrot of thinness in front of you is presenting a version of perfection that is impossible for most women without causing real harm to their mental, emotional, and physical health just to make a profit. You, your body, and your peace of mind are worth so much more than that.

5. View your body as a tool, not an accessory. Your body can do amazing things! Every single day, it keeps your heart beating, brain thinking, kidneys filtering, and lungs breathing without a conscious thought. It allows you to move through the world in your own unique way, connect with others, and do things you’re passionate about. Instead of focusing on getting it to look a certain way, focus on what it allows you to do. If there are things it can’t do, honor its limitations. Your body is your vessel. If you take care of it, it will take care of you.

Yes, these are “quick tips” but the journey to embracing your body and cultivating a gentle, compassionate relationship with it usually isn’t a quick fix. It’s a lifelong journey for most of us. Be patient with yourself as you shift your focus. Be patient with your body as it tries its best to show up for you on a daily basis. If you need more than five tips (don’t we all?), check out my book, “Some Body to Love: 12 Weeks to a Better Body Image.”

If you need a little extra help, reach out to a therapist who specializes in body image issues. Here at New Beginnings Therapy, we believe in Health at Every Size, Intuitive Eating, and embracing Body Positivity and Body Neutrality. We’re always happy to walk the path right by you (and your body’s) side.

Dr. Carly LeBaron, PhD, LMFT